What's In A Name?

Business Therapy, is what I've been calling this business--helping entrepreneurs and executives with daily tactical decisions such as hiring and firing, closing sales, product design, and such like.

The name has a nice ring to it, but I'm thinking I might need a tag line to explain it isn't all Deepak Chopra-ish (cause it isn't). I've got two ideas: Rent-a-Mentor and Business Sherpa (as in someone whose been up the mountain before and can help by either pointing the way or just helping to carry your pack.

Committees

My friend RC, who is going nuts at the Fortune 100 company he thought he wanted to work for until he realized that the deparment he is in is full of numnuts: How do you tell if a big company plans to do something or not?

Me: How?

My friend RC, who is going nuts at the Fortune 100 company he thought he wanted to work for until he realized that the deparment he is in is full of numnuts: If they want to do something, they put someone in charge. If not they assign a committee.

Did I mention RC was on a committee appointed by another committee to fix the company's operational inefficiencies?

And do you like the committee picture I found? I especially like the chairman's hairdo. I don't think I've ever seen that. It's like a Spencers Gift's fiber optic lamp. Usually the top is bald and the sides hairy. Then again, his head is so unfortunately round that you hardly notice his do. It is so disturbing a shape that, while most of the staff uncomfortably shuffle papers in a sort of "pretend the big headed guy isn't so freakish and if you smile he might go away" kind of thing, the one dude in the back looks like he has ripped his own left arm off in shock; such is his horror at the sight of the man.

But the really amazing thing is I got the picture from this site--making roundhead a Mr. Nick Wheatley. Do you think Nick knows he looks like this? Do you think there may be a pill or some sort of hormone therapy he could take?

What's This Got To Do With Business Therapy?

"Nice site," a friend of my girlfriend said. "But I don't see what it has to do with business therapy."

It's a fair question. And not just because there is no such thing as an unfair question in business.

For example, question: Why are your batteries blowing up Mister Computer Maker? And what am I supposed to do with my laptop while you take six weeks to get me a new one?

Answer: None of your business. You'll get your replacement when we get around to it.

Response: Not good enough. Watch the customers get nervous that there's no difference between you and your competitor's exploding PCs.

Now the reality is, of the literally millions of batteries out there, maybe a dozen have actually blown up. You stand a better chance of winning an iPod at a carvnival midway game--sure it can happen, but the odds are not in your favor. But how seriously Dell and Apple "appear" to handle this "crisis" can affect both their stock price and their sales.

And there's the lesson in the battery recall--perception is so much reality in business that mentioning the idea that the risk level is acceptable would be the event that could turn this false crisis into a real one for the computer makers. (Did you hear what Apple said? They said it isn't a real problem! And I know a guy who knows a guy who lost his testicles and can't have kids now!)

Therefore they must accept the media designated seriousness (to us and our trucks) and replace all the batteries--which makes me, the customer, believe that there is a real danger. (Otherwise, why tell me to stop using the batteries immediately?)

And this leads to me, typing this on a known defective Apple right now, to be more upset about the four to six weeks I'm supposed to wait for a safe battery. And so what is Apple supposed to do? Piss off the media or me?

Since they are already spending millions on the recall, why not use it to improve public relations by including a free iTunes song or two for those of us affected? That would avert all the alleged and actual crisises implicit in this battery fiasco, and help tie me even more to their over-protected media store and format, while making me happy in the process.

So have I gone off on a tangent? Wasn't this post supposed to be about what all these other posts of comments on either my personal publishing situation or somebody else's business have to do with business therapy?

Yes.

Business therapy is the consulting I do with entrepreneurs and executives about the daily challenges they face: hiring and firing, selling a customer, getting away from a bad customer, raising money, talking to their bosses about what to do to make the business more efficient. In short, how best to get ahead of their competition (internal and external). And how do I do that? With analogies. Little stories.

This site are some of those stories. The idea is that you may find a relation between your daily job and the contents here--thereby giving you an idea of how to proceed. Or, if not, at least something interesting that didn't take too much time to read.

And as for the photo. It's from the sheep competition at the Dutchess County Fair this past weekend. Because all business is a competition, and sometimes, your ewe is just going to be unprepared for all the excitement, and you've got to deal with it.

A Photo of Me (and The End of The World)

What does a photo of me (handsome devil) and the end of the world have in common? Well, let me demonstrate.

At first I thought I was just putting up a photo of me so that I could add it to my profile. Really. That's it. Took me about 20 minutes. Lots of image resizing. Had to upgrade my graphic converter.

Then I watched Elizabeth Vargas on 20/20 have Stephen Hawking, who is in an electric wheelchair and speaks through a machine tell us how computers are going to be smarter than us in 100 years. And then they showed a clip of The Terminator (cause they couldn't afford to license The Matrix for this lousy Armageddon nonsense that they were airing instead of, say, news) where Arnold Schwarzenegger (who got buff using machines) destroyed the world. Since he already has California, it got me to thinking...

Whoa, I realized, the Matrix was wrong. The evil robots don't need us to make energy for them. Jeeeezuz! How much of your day was spent doing what I did for 20 minutes today: file conversion for a computer? That's right--they are already using us to crop photos, copy and paste calendar items into our Blackberries, and to reformat files from PowerPoint to HTML being careful to get all the bullets to be the same size. Cause if there's one thing robots are bad at, it's making consistently sized and indented bullets.

Think I'm crazy? Here's a company where I got my first real job after fleeing IBM and my parent's house in upstate New York. And DCL is still there changing files from one computer system to another to feed the beast. So Elizabeth Vargas, be more than just afraid of a Nobel Prize winner with a mouth tube because robot overlords--they're already here.

As for the business lesson today, it's this: ABC knows that there are two basic desires you can sell to. One is someone's desire to gain more. For example, real news might tell you something you could use to make money or get a better house. The second is to sell to someone's desire to hang on to what they have. This is the most powerful reason in the world for convincing someone to buy. And that's why I watched 20/20 tell me about the end of the world because I want to hang onto my little piece of it.

And that's not so bad, Mrs. Vargas. After all, my book Typo, is about how I made and lost millions of dollars as an entrepreneur. And I plan on marketing it to exactly the same desire to not lose what you have as you did.

Oh Right, That Was Me

A little back and forth with my publisher. Am I excited my book will be coming out next May? You be the judge. (And dig the crazy courier font to give the email that extra jolt of veracity. Whoooeee.)
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On 8/22/06 2:44 PM, "Silverman, David" wrote:

I have only got one PR person on the line now, and three more with calls into them.

Speaking of PR, I think the thing to do next is to try to come up with the "jacket copy" (although there is no jacket).

Or maybe three different pitch pages about the book for each of the markets we've identified: literary, business, printing and publishing. I think I need these to show to the PR people to tell them what to do.

Why? Because they seem incapible of independant thought no matter how much I threaten to pay them. And you are the only person I trust to see the connections in the book to the world.

Maybe we could spend an hour hashing it out sometime in the next few weeks? I'll buy the beer.
david
------------------------------
From: Richard Nash
Sent: Wednesday, August 23, 2006 10:46 AM
To: Silverman, David
Subject:
I think I know what I want on the back of the book...

"We’ve all been in debt from time to time. Maybe you borrowed five dollars from a friend, or maybe you ran up something on your credit card you shouldn’t have, like a bread machine. Who needs a bread machine? If Armageddon comes, you won’t need a loaf of homemade rye.

Or maybe you borrowed a couple million dollars to buy a typesetting company in the Midwest with your best friend and mentor and then watched it all go horribly wrong. Oh right, that was me..."
------------------------------
On 8/23/06 10:53 AM, "Silverman, David" wrote:
i am smiling so wide i fear my teeth will fall out and i will swallow them. and even then, i shall continue to be in a joyous mood. d
------------------------------
From: Richard Nash
Sent: Wednesday, August 23, 2006 11:40 AM
To: Silverman, David
Subject:
Peter Karras, the designer, asked me for some copy to slap onto a dummy backcover, because he’s got an interview with an ad firm, and since I hadn’t worked anything up yet, I figured I’d give him a quote from the book, and opened the file, and that stared out at me, and I gave it to him and thought...That’s it! That’s fuckin it!! Says everything that needs to be said, reaches all the audiences it needs to reach. Right there.

No, Thank You

Click, click, click. (See the clicky keyboard post below.)

Dang, can't log on. Better call customer service.

"Please press one to speak in English."

This is going to be unpleasant. Let's see enter my phone number, OK, already did that online, but it didn't work, and my zip code, yup and now the last four digits of my social.

"I'm sorry, but we did not recognize your input. To speak English--"

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. (Sound of my jamming in the operator button.)

"This call may be monitored."

I hope so.

"My name is Marianne, can I have your account number?"

"I don't have an account number. I'm trying to register--"

"May I have your phone number?"

Didn't I just type that...never mind.

"And your zip code."

Yup.

"And the last four digits of your social security number."

Fine.

"And now sir I need a new PIN from you."

"Huh? Why's that?"

"So that if you call in again. It's more secure than your social security number."

"Hey, that's a nice idea. Sure, 1234."

That's easy. I use that PIN for everything.

"And I need a letter sir."

"What for?"

"Your PIN has to have a letter."

"But I don't want a letter in my PIN. I won't remember a letter. I use 1234. How do you expect me to remember my PIN when you make up some arbitrary rule."

"You'll have to write it down sir."

"But then not only isn't it secure anymore, but I won't have it with me if I'm off somewhere and need to call you for help with this site."

"I cannot go further without a letter."

"But I just want to register to see my thank you points."

"You need a new PIN so that you can call back and not have to use your social security number, sir."

"But what if I can't remember the new PIN?"

"Then you will have to identify yourself with other information."

"Like my social security number?" Aha. Got her now.

"No sir. You need a PIN."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

"Then cancel my service." That'll show them.

"That will erase your points."

"You're going to erase my points because I won't give you a letter for a PIN I don't want?"

Blood draining from my heart. Rushing to veins in my neck.

Ultimately she relented and got a supervisor who didn't say anything about the PIN issue as she got me a login and password. "It's only temporary. You'll have to change it."

"Does it have to have a letter in it?"

"I don't know, sir."

Somewhere in Citibank this was a good idea once. At a meeting someone explained how they would protect customers more from ID theft by no longer using the Social Security number as a primary source of identification. Someone else agreed. It was a good thing.

Then someone else implemented it and made a script for the telephone operator. They didn't tell the operators that if someone didn't want a new PIN, they could opt out as long as they clearly explained how they were trying to protect them (me), the customer, from bad things.

Instead, that good idea wasted. And all that marketing effort to make me love Citibank and stay with them as my bank because I got "thank you points" was wasted.

Reputation, built over time. Lost in a PIN.

The Boss is an Idiot

"I agree we need more people, but the boss won't go for it."

"Why?"

"He already told me. And we're firing people. He won't go for it."

"So what's your plan?"

"Just keep going."

"And fail later?"

"I guess."

"So you're just not going to tell him?"

"Oh, I'll tell him, but he won't listen."

BF knows that to fix the business he's going to need more staff. He's told me what he needs them to do: customer support, writing proposals, installing products. He's also told me the current staff isn't up to the job and he wants them gone. But he doesn't think the boss will listen.

I agree.

Because he's acting like an employee.

"What's wrong with the staff you want fired?"

"I told you. They can only do half the job. They need me for every customer, and I just don't have time to figure it out for them."

"What do you want them to do? Do you wish they were like you and figured out a way to get it done without asking for help? To think for themselves?"

"Of course."

"Then do that for your boss."

BF has been recently promoted and he's still thinking it's someone elses job to tell him what to do. That's how employees think and it drives good bosses crazy. It's not enough for BF to know that more staff equals more business. He needs to give the boss a explanation of how much more cost equals how much more revenue.

And the best way to do that is to make it look like a real financial budget. Managers give their bosses solutions that they have throught through and put in the language of business: an Excel spreadsheet of income and expenses.

Of course the boss will say "no" to new employees. Of course the boss will say "yes" to new sales. Make the connection for him or her with supportable numbers and they won't be answering no because they think you are thinking about yourself as the employee, but will say yes because you are "thinking like an owner." And how often have you heard that.

If you don't know an income statement from a hedgehog, read this. Really.

One of These Things

Google "two kinds of people" and you'll get around 139 million hits. This indicates three things to me: it's not a new idea, everyone has a smart alec comment on the concept ("those who like peanut butter and those who are able to get through the day without crying"), and you are unlikely to end up here because of Google-ing the phrase "two kinds of people."

That said, I have learned that it is useful to consider two broad categories of people at work. One kind of person is looking to get ahead. The other is looking to hang onto what they've already got.

This is important because the best person to work for is someone who is in the same category as yourself. If you want to get promotions, raises, new opportunities, and your boss isn't sure how he rose so high in the organization and but wants to hang onto his position you've got a problem. Your boss will squash you down like an elephant on a Tempurpedic mattress for fear that your excitable bouncing around will get his bosses (or customers, or investors) to realize they should have gotten rid of him a long time ago--perhaps by replacing him with you.

If you are instead a boss who is a madcap go getter and your employee would like to be left alone at their desk and allowed to slink home at 4:59 every day, it will be just as bad a relationship.

It's also true that it's easiest to sell to people who want to get ahead, especially those who have just gotten a new job and would like nothing better than to show up their predecessor by bringing in a better vendor than that old fogey had used.

But what do you do if you and your boss or employee don't align with your goals? Simple. Get out of there. It isn't going to work. Or do you think you can fix your boss or employee to see the world your way?

(Oh, and by the way, what's with the Tempurpedic "Space Foundation Certification" stuff? Always wondered? Well the Internet has the answer. It's technology from space, don't ya know. Just like this critical to humanity's future technology.)

Remembering What's Important

Getting out there.

The meeting proved to be excellent. Yes, it was in large part because the format was good: round the room introductions followed by a requirement that everyone say who they saw as a customer, partner and vendor. That certainly removed the main blockade of people seeking only to take and not give.

(Although there were several people who said, "We already have all the vendors we need." Come on. I mean come on. I hate hearing buyers say that and I hate hearing sales people repeat it as a reason not to sell.

"They have everyone they need." If that's true, we should all just pack up and accept that we must have acheived utopia. Since I don't see any sign of unrelenting happiness permiating the ether, then maybe, just maybe, there's room in the market for one more new chewing gum, restaurant, telecom company, yada yada yada...)

But to my original point, it was about getting myself out there and repeating my message. I got good feedback and, the key thing, I got to hear myself explain my business. And that is the central tenant of business therapy: that to know what you are thinking, you have to express it.

Kind of like a blog.

Keyboard Issues

As I get business therapy up and running there is all the necessary forming of an online presence so that you, dear reader, can find out what it is I do and sign me up.

Although what I feel like I am mostly doing is clicking. This is partially because of my spiffy new old-style keyboard with the clicky keys. (From Unicomp, the inheritors of the IBM Model M.) And what a racket it does make. A profligate whacking sound that gives a feeling of accomplishment even when nothing else is there.

(Here is a company that succeeds despite itself. The product, a keyboard not general used since the 1980s, is sought out by people who remember the feel of electric typewriters. They don't try to advertise, and I had a dickens of a time finding their sales page--since it doesn't work with Safari. Instead it is the blogs of advocates of the product that get them sales. (This one for example.)

And in there lies the question. How much is sitting around on a keyboard, no matter how many decibels of keystrokes, really the ticket for generating business?

I will find out when tomorrow I go to a meetup.com event to press the keys of personal interaction in the older, more traditional ways--albeit one also aided by the Internet.

I am very interested to see if the meeting is more than just everyone doing what I will be there for as well--selling themselves over the din of others doing the same. But then again, what is a blog?

And, if you'd like to see what all my clicking was for, it's here.

As an old IBM pal used to say, "wfnoaieweoigha oh2345h349th"--this is my head rolling on the keyboard.

Don't Be Like Me

I am just beginning this business therapy consulting business and I am wondering about some sales truths as I go about getting the word out. The sales truth is that people like to buy success.

But what do I do to build my credentials as someone to seek out for business advice? While I've attained some successes--running my business--I've learned more from, and am more notable for, my failures--crashing the aforementioned business.

My so-called friends (who have not hit either the same level of success or Ramen-noodle subsistance failure as me) advise me that people will not seek me out for consulting because I did not get my company into the Fortune 100.

So do I focus on the success I had in life? I have done a lot of things I could be very proud of: gotten my memoir published, run a $10 million company, tripled sales at three firms, and got myself out of my home town to live in New York, London and Prague.

Or do I highlight that I've lost everything and that exotic summer in Prague was spent eating dollar sandwiches and sleeping on a concrete floor?

Which is the message that gets me clients?
Which is ultimately of more use to my clients?
Which makes me feel better about myself?

I could answer all these questions both ways because the salesman's crutch is sometimes self-deprication. Or, as a boss of mine used to call it, "The Broken Winged Duckling Sale." Buy from me because I'm so sad.

On the other hand, it is precisely my failures that give me perspective what you should be avoiding in your business.

So perhaps, in this instance, failure, or surviving failure, is the truest success and the best possible marketing.

A Fraud

"I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop," R.C. said.

"What shoe?" I asked.

"For them to fire me."

"Why would they do that?"

"I don't know. I can't give you a reason. I just feel they are going to find me out."
R.C. had been at his new job at one of the largest international consulting firms for all of one day--and that day had been spent in training.

He had been through six months of multiple rounds of interviews with everyone from HR to the managing partner. They had been so impressed that they were paying him significantly more than his management level normally allowed, which put him clearly on partner track himself.

But sitting in that hotel room, watching That '70s Show, after eight hours of information about the company's 401k plan, a buffet lunch, and a get-to-know-you dinner, he was overtaken by the feeling that they knew he was a fraud.

Was it because he was nearly 40 years old and felt that he had never made it in his career and now was too late? Was he still suffering from the effects of his last job and the boss who had beaten down his opinion of himself by belittling him at meetings and taking afternoon attendance as if his staff of vice presidents were kindergartners?

Or was it because all competent people feel like frauds? Everyone expects that other people can see what they see, and what competent and talented people see is what they could be doing better.

The challenge for people like this is remembering the things they have accomplished and valuing them because any small error is magnifed a thousand times in their minds.
Managers of talented people need to remind them of their successes to keep them motivated, and the people themselves, like R.C. need to remember that they are expecting everyone around them to give them this reinforcement--which is not always going to be coming from managers and co-workers who envy them.

After R.C.'s first day, he had not had a chance to impress anyone, and he felt a failure. There is nothing wrong about this. Tomorrow, he will try again to banish those fears of being fired by doing more. Any company is lucky to have him.